Just me...

Yep, I know! Shocking! That is a picture of just me on this blog! Yeppers. I did it! I really dislike pictures of myself. If you will recall with me, I have been occasionally posting about things that are heavy on my heart, changes in my life, things God is working on me. Between here and my weight loss blog, I have been talking a lot about things within me. God is really working on my whole heart right now. I have to confess, it has been a painful toll! I'm ready for the work to be complete... but it isn't there yet. Right now, God is working on me as a person... Who I am, what I'm supposed to be, what I feel about me... Let me tell you folks, that isn't always positive. Me? I very much dislike myself most days. I battle with how I look. I struggle with how I feel physically. I battle even with how I deal with life and I feel so unworthy of being called a daughter of God. All this adds up to one thing... I have and allowed life to belittle my self esteem. God has been asking me to step up and do more and that crazy self esteem just gets in the way every single time! Tomorrow is a huge day for me. I had hoped to have lost more weight than I have before committing to this... but God has laid it on my heart that it is time. I am going to do a mime/drama tomorrow. yep. I'm VERY nervous about it. To be truthful... I would rather back out... but I'm moving forward because it's what God wants. This is part of my journey of healing. God is asking me to put more ministry back in my life and this is the area I begin. So please pray for me. This is a real step of faith for me. Big girls don't do these kinds of things and I want my heart to be in letting Jesus shine through me rather than worrying about what the dude watching things of my pant size! So... God, here I am... hands open, heart bared.... USE ME!