wondrous reminder....

I'm really struggling right now... I have been for awhile. The fear of the unknown is so welling up inside of me. The fear of what is wrong with Joey, the fear of what is going on with Abby, the fear of what the future will hold for them each.... All of it is so heavy. I know I can sit here and say "In Jesus name they are OK." But it doesn't take the hurt away that is in my heart as a mommy watching her babies hurt and suffer. When we pull into the hospital, my three year old yells, "I scared! Go home!" That shouldn't be! Just visiting a friend... he said that as we pulled up to the door. It hurts my heart. Watching Abby fatigue and wake up with dark circles hurts... Watching Joey struggle to gain the coordination to play his games... the daily struggles of their little lives wears on me after awhile. I don't know how to cope and tonight, I snapped. I just started sobbing as I talked to Abby. She asked what was wrong. i told her the truth "Mommy hurts in side because I can't take away your hurts. That's hard for mommy's because they want to fix every thing." She climbs up in my lap, wipes my eyes and says "Mommy, it's OK. You don't have to. Jesus will do that!" That was my wondrous reminder for the day!