Daily transformed...

I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately. Our life right now is totally filled with things that are hard to accept. Health issues are the number one problem in our house hold. Watching people you love suffer is so hard. My soul searching stems right now from feeling like I have hit a road block in my walk with God. Life is hard. Life hurts. Life brings joys. Life brings about celebration. Life brings questions... my question right now is what is holding me back from God.

I'm not angry about the kids health. I have come to terms with the fact that God has made them. They are fearfully and wonderfully made and He has their days numbered. He has a plan for them, a future and a hope! His word promises that.... but still... the raw emotions are there. I don't know if feelings ever go away...

I some times bary myself and cover my pain with the food I put in my mouth. I often forget to go to God and instead I go get something that tastes good... I didn't realize it until today... this is my road block. This is what I put before God, therefore separating myself from His love and His presence. A pointless issue that does nothing but turn my own health in a negative direction is what is holding me back. That means I have made my food a god. A false god. A god that hurts me. A god who can't love me... But the God who does love me is there but by choice, I have pushed Him a way by choosing my worthless god... food.

This morning, I was reading in Isaiah. 51:1 says "Listen to me, you who pursue righteousness and who seek the Lord. Look to the rock from which you were cut and the to quarry from which you were hewn:" I was cut from God hiimself. Made in his likeness. all I have to do is look to Him. He is the answer and because I was "cut" from Him, He holds every thing I need. He holds me. I feel as though my strength is gone. I have feel as though I can't put the next foot forward but I can because HE IS my ROCK!!! MINE! He's there... This passage goes on in vs. 3 saying, "...Joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and the sound of singing." My I find myself in him... May I look to him so that sound of sining and thanksgiving will pour from my heart. May every one see joy and gladness in me.

What's your road block?