Do you ever find yourself in a place of questioning why? Here lately, I have been doing a lot of soul searching and asking God where my heart should be at this point in life. When Jeff and I got married, we knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that God had called us to ministry. We met doing ministry together, we grew to know each other through ministry, we enjoyed ministry together after marriage and now, life looks much different. My ministry is what I do every day for my kids to keep them healthy and alive and Jeff's ministry is in what he does at the church and in our community every day. Not at all what we thought life would always look like. We both long to minister together again and often find ourselves greived because of where life has taken us. However, we do not regret having our babies! We love them with every thing in us and this journey is well worth its price! Some days though, I especially struggle at wondering why life is the way it is. Why I can't be at church all the time, why my kids have to suffer the way they do, why every thing falls where it does... When you look at the prognosis from a medical stand point for my children, life is pretty hopeless and I've come to realize that I have been wrestling with that hopelessness. It's so easy to fall prey to what is around you instead of looking at what is unseen. I dont' now why God has allowed this season in life, but I'm sure one day we'll know. I have been searching for something to bring comfort to my heart. And God took me to Ecclesiastes 3:4 "A time to weep, and a time to laugh; A time to mourn, and a time to dance." There is a season for absolutely EVERY THING in life. Some times we weep and other times we laugh. We have come through a time of mourning because things were going backwards and not looking to good... but now, we are able to "dance" because the kids are seeing some "ups" right now. Joey is gainging muscle mass... medically impossible... Abby's eyes are strengthening... another impossiblity... Joey is about to have a feeding study because he appears to be stregnthening in his swallowing abilites... another impossiblity, Abby was just discharged from feeding therapy because she is so improved... another impossiblity... things like that make me truly realize that God has his hand in every thing. If God meant this for his glory (which I'm sure he did because he does with every thing... it just all falls in the way we handle it) then so be it... I will walk it out! I have come to learn, it really doesn't matter what the doctors say, it all lies in what God says as to what happens in life. So, I stand today believing, there is a season for everything and I will try to walk out each season with joy knowing my God is in control!
2 comments:
I have wondered similar things too. For me I think I always feel like I have to be doing something big for God in order for it to "count" as ministry, but I have come to realize that it doesn't have to be big...it just has to be whatever it is that He has called me to do. Big, small, seen or unseen...whatever it is I need to do it and do it for His glory.
For me, I feel sometimes asking God why have you given me this HUGE task that seems overwhelming! This is why I am completely dependant on Him for every aspect of my ministry, if I wasn't I would have given up by now. We NEED God no matter what is going on in our life and he wants us to be in that place of total committment. You are exactly where God wants you when you are looking to Him for EVERYTHING.
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