Sunday, June 22, 2008
Standing at the edge...
For a couple of weeks now, it has felt like we are on this line of questioning what is next. Abby's struggle with her heart has shook our house hold. Then we move onto new turf with both having different struggles and I question how long until the ground gives out? Medically, I feel like I'm standing on this edge looking down and one strong gust is going to send us toppling over! I really can't put my finger on it, but it just feels as though we are at a very unstable place right now. Then I find myself torn because many of our friends suffering from Mito are going through it severly! I pray for them, but I feel this selfish cry inside of me that screams "God, don't let us ever go there!" I sobbed today as I read the caring bridge site of a little girl Abby's age. She was rushed via ambulance at 95 mile an hour to Cinicinnati because the weather was too rough to life line her... I fear that moment. I fear the unknown. I know God calls us to not fear and I know that His perfect love casts out all fear, but how do you grasp that? How do you let go of your childs future and completely trust that whether it all plumets over the edge or not, God is in control? Joey is going back wards right now. His speech therapist sees it and has shared with us her concerns. He is not eating well and we are beginning to have to use occasional Gtube feeds. Abby is in a similar boat... It's a struggle to hold onto faith some days... I'm having one of those days! I plead with you to pray for every family who's child suffers from Mito. I pray that God draws near to each one! This week, I have held close to something so special. I often pray that in the hardest moments, God would show himself strongly to my children. I came to tears this week when Abby says "Mommy, did you know Jesus likes to sing?" I sat there stunned for a moment and then said "Oh yeah, why do you say that?" She replied so proudly "Because mommy, some times when I'm scared, he sings to me!" I couldnt' help but cry! My favorite verse that gets me through is in Zepheniah 3:17 and it talks about how HE rejoices over us with singing... Thank you God for moments like these!
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5 comments:
You and Jeff are God-centered parents. How important that must be under your circumstances. I find strength through you. I hope when the edge looks near for find a way to step back and look at the view you get because of being there. I pray that I will look at the view i have more often because of you! Love and prayers are sent your way!
Thank you for your kind words! They brought tears to my eyes this morning! Comments like these are so uplifting and so encouraging! It means a lot! -Mindy
Mindy...obviously I am a teacher LOL, but if you need a partner for any of your trips with the kids, with a little notice (so I can get a mamaw...babysitter) I would love to help out if I can!
Mindy,
I read this entry with raw emotion. I CANNOT imagine what you and Jeff go through everyday. But to hear you put your fears into actual words... I guess that is something I wasn't prepared for. I don't know why I didn't see it coming. You are human parents, not superheros. Thank you for sharing your "humanness" with us. I pray all goes well with the doctors tomorrow.
Sue, thank you! I often try not to put my fears into words. Last night was a "breaking" night for me as I suppose we could say. We covet the prayers of all of you who stand behind us as it does keep us going and we have less of these times of falling apart because God holds us up! Thank you for being faithful to pray! -Mindy
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