Changes in life...

I have a life verse, but I have layed it down. My daughter was born and during birth, she was almost stollen from me by death. She fought for life in the NICU and then came home and continued to face battles. Things began to improve and life felt almost normal... then I found out I was pregnant again. A beautiful baby boy was born with out a fight. Here he was... no complications and then it happened, his battle begun. 4 mths. later, they told me he was going to die a horrible death with a disease called mitochondrial disease. Nearly 10 months later, I was told my daughter was as well. 2 years of struggling... 2 years of fighting for my kids health and good medical care... Who I was died and I became "super mom" I was doctor, I was nurse, I was mommy, I was wife, I was the one that had to put my foot down and make life and death decisions every day for my kids well being. Then it happened. For reasons I don't know, that is now all over. God chose to change the path that we were on and now we are experiencing life to it's fullest... But Mindy was still lost. I had been the rescuer for so long with medical that I felt helpless. My kids didn't need that "super mommy" any more. Doctors didn't need me to make hard decisions on the spot and life was... well... NORMAL again. I made a rash decision. I thought I prayed, I thought I saught God and I realized tonight while laying in bed praying, i didn't. I missed him horribly! I picked up something i now find myself enjoying... Pampered Chef... but in light of who God has called me to be... In light of the life verse He gave me at a very young age... I am laying it down. I will be finishing my shows out through Dec. and Then I'm throwing myself at the feet of God for his soul purpose for my life. I know God healed my babies and I'm hiding. I'm scared to talk about it because I don't want people to hurt. I'm scared to admit it because I'm afraid it will spur anger in others... but instead... I want to fight along side of poeple and I want them to meet the God I know. The God who is loving and has a purspose in every thing he does! My life verse is found in Isaiah 61... So, God, here I am! Heart open wide! take me and mold me into what you want with me! I never understood parts of this verse, but looking back at the last 4 years, I now realize God was molding me and preparing me for this verse. I have been the one who is in this verse and Now, I want to be the one that God will use to bring life... TRUE life to those who need it. Thank you God for my journey! -Amen!

Isaiah 61:1-3

The spirit of teh sovereign Lord is on me,

because the lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim freedom for the captives

and release from darkness for the prisoners,

to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor

and the day of vengeance of our God

to comfort all who mourn

and provide for those who grieve in Zion-

to bestow on them a crown of beauty

instead of ashes

the oil of gladness

instead of mourning

and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair

they will be called oaks of righteosuness

a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor!