Today has been one of those challenging days for me. We started out WONDERFUL. Joey started on his med change today to switch some of the dose to night time to help with his moods and agression. So, it was great. I literally had my Joey back today. He was laughing, loving on people, playing, interacting, giggling... you name it... it was my boy through and through! I kept catching myself with tears of Joy thinking that I hadn't realized how long it had been since we'd seen "joey". So, it was great... then the day begins to plumit. Joey's tummy begins to swell. he continues getting fussy and then it happens... the big blow out. pooh every where! On his close, up his back, down his legs, on toys, on the carpet... my world comes to a crash and this is where I don't know how to let go. Joey has been out of the hospital for 4 1/2 months now... NEVER EVER has happened! This is usually the start of an admission for Joey. The whole time I'm cleaning him up it's rolling through my mind the check list of "need to start laundry, find our duffel bags, make sure meds are filled and enough for a stay, check on bills, make sure the check book is current, grab some things to do..." and i had to stop myself and say "Where is my heart right now." Obviously my eyes aren't on Jesus and I find myself in that panic state. All the while, we had people in our home and I'm battling this rage inside of me trying to figure out what on earth I'm doing and why I can't just let go. So, tonight, I dropped my junk, as I gave Joey his bath, I let go and I prayed and took time to remind myself that only God knows and He knows best... I don't know the future and I don't know what the rest of this week will hold... but I know he loves my little boy more than I do... so that love has to be unimaginable! So, I guess this is the first step of letting go... fixing my eyes on the one hope I have... JESUS. Tuesday, May 20, 2008
How do you let go?
Today has been one of those challenging days for me. We started out WONDERFUL. Joey started on his med change today to switch some of the dose to night time to help with his moods and agression. So, it was great. I literally had my Joey back today. He was laughing, loving on people, playing, interacting, giggling... you name it... it was my boy through and through! I kept catching myself with tears of Joy thinking that I hadn't realized how long it had been since we'd seen "joey". So, it was great... then the day begins to plumit. Joey's tummy begins to swell. he continues getting fussy and then it happens... the big blow out. pooh every where! On his close, up his back, down his legs, on toys, on the carpet... my world comes to a crash and this is where I don't know how to let go. Joey has been out of the hospital for 4 1/2 months now... NEVER EVER has happened! This is usually the start of an admission for Joey. The whole time I'm cleaning him up it's rolling through my mind the check list of "need to start laundry, find our duffel bags, make sure meds are filled and enough for a stay, check on bills, make sure the check book is current, grab some things to do..." and i had to stop myself and say "Where is my heart right now." Obviously my eyes aren't on Jesus and I find myself in that panic state. All the while, we had people in our home and I'm battling this rage inside of me trying to figure out what on earth I'm doing and why I can't just let go. So, tonight, I dropped my junk, as I gave Joey his bath, I let go and I prayed and took time to remind myself that only God knows and He knows best... I don't know the future and I don't know what the rest of this week will hold... but I know he loves my little boy more than I do... so that love has to be unimaginable! So, I guess this is the first step of letting go... fixing my eyes on the one hope I have... JESUS. 
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3 comments:
I hear you sister, it's a battle I fight every day. Our Pastor told me one, when we are tired and weary our spirit (our soul) is praying on our behalf. That God, in his infinit knowlege knows what I need before I even ask. When I've got too much on my plate and sadly prayer is forgotten God understands, and my soul sends the message to him. There's a verse related to this that I'm totally forgetting right now... If I come up with it I'll let you know.
Shan
Shan- Thanks for responding. The scripture that you are thinking of is Romans 8;26-28 It says "And in the same way the spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercededs for us with groanings too deep for words; and he who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that God causess all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."
I hold this scripture very dear to my heart and actually, in trying to understand and look at this verse, I believe the Holy Spirit is the spirit this is referring to here. What an honor to realize that in our weakness, the Holy Spirit would intercede on our behalf and that He will work all things out for our good because we love Him. Again, just shows how wonderful the love of God is and just how amazing He is in caring for us as HIS children. Thanks for that reminder today!!! -Mindy
I'm glad you found the verse. I need to write it down, I have been so scatterbrained lately! And, I agree, I think it is the Holy Spirit and not our Spirit as well. It is comforting!
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